i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
