Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
