I am puke
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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