Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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