I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize