tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
