The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Say something about gay babies.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
