I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
