God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
