So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude. I can hear the air.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
