Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize