i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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