I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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