do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
