WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
