worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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