is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
