so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
