Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
