Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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