he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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