Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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