I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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