hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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