Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I need to stop coming to work sober
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You left your phone here
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