When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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