Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You left your phone here
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