Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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