it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
