i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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