my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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