I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
