He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
