She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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