Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
