worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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