So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize