I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
