I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
