I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
