He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
