I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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