There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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