i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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