oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize