Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
