Well douche your snatch and let's go!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
