im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
