Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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