his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they're like a gay fantastic four
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
