She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
