it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
