Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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