I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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