Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize