we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
