he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
