I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we're so committed to being not committed
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