I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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