I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
