I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
