Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
