he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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