u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I touched a dick in church today
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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