yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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