you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
