yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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