you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
