Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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