The maid of honor just puked.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
