If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
