wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
