i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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