you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
