Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
