Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
