I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
