You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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